What does it mean to have healthy boundaries?
- People with healthy boundaries are clear on what behavior they accept from others. They do not allow others to manipulate, disrespect or violate them.
- People with healthy boundaries are emotionally aware. They are able to discern which emotions belong to them and which ones don’t.
- People with healthy boundaries respect their own time and energy. They are clear on what they say yes or no to. They don’t say yes, when they really mean no.
- People with healthy boundaries don’t feel a need to shut others out, in order to feel safe.
- People with healthy boundaries are able be deeply loving and compassionate, while remaining clear and firm about what’s okay and what’s not okay.
- People with poor boundaries may have difficutly saying no to others. They may often say yes to things that are harmful to them.
- People with poor boundaries have a hard time telling where they end and others begin. They either soak up the emotions of others like a sponge, or have little awareness or empathy for the feelings or needs of others as separate from their own.
- People with poor boundaries may feel guilty, scared, or angry when they have opinions or needs that differ from another.
- People with poor boundaries may feel the need to put up a wall to protect themselves, instead of being able to clearly and kindly communicate their needs and limitations.
- People with poor boundaries may have poor self-esteem, or a general lack of awareness about other’s personal space.
Reasons to Develop Healthy Boundaries
Ease in Communication
More Trust in Relationships
More on Boundaries and Assertiveness
Developing healthy boundaries is an essential skill for a happy life. Once you have a clear sense of what it means to have healthy boundaries, you must be able to communicate your boundaries to others.
This is where assertiveness comes in.
Dr. Julie Hanks, author of The Assertiveness Guide for Women, says:
“Assertiveness is generally defined as a way of communicating that is clear, confident, and self-assured. It enables you to express your thoughts, feelings, needs and wants without infringing on the rights of others.”
In our work together, you’ll learn:
- How to develop awareness of your personal boundaries
- Tools to be able to expand beyond unhelpful communication patterns
- Tips for how to assert yourself effectively, without feeling anxiety or guilt
Getting Started is Easy
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We’ll make a plan to achieve your goals.
Frequently Asked Questions
Do I really need therapy?
If you find that you feel like you keep bumping into the same issues and you can’t seem to overcome them on your own, then therapy may be necessary. The process of therapy is designed to support you as you gain long-term, practical tools for working through life’s challenges. The intention is not that you will be in therapy forever. Sometimes we all just need some professional guidance to help us get unstuck.
What can I expect in the first session when I see a therapist?
The first session is where we spend time getting to know one another. I will be asking you questions about your personal history and reasons for seeking therapy. These questions are aimed at helping us gain clarity in identifying unhelpful habits and patterns, as well as your strengths. Before you leave the first session, you will have a sense of what we will be doing in therapy and how we will get there.
What should I look for in a therapist?
The short answer is CONNECTION. Research shows that the #1 factor in the success (or failure) of therapy is the quality of the relationship between the counselor and the client. You should feel like the therapist is someone you feel safe with and is someone you can trust. You should also get a strong sense that you could work well with this person, even if things get tough.
How do I know if I will benefit from counseling?
While there are no guarantees that therapy will solve all your problems, there are some ways to be sure that you are getting the most out of it. First, you must show up fully and be committed. Second, you must be willing to experience some discomfort at times. Learning to work through it in a productive manner is one of the best gifts of therapy. Finally, be open to enjoying the process. Therapy doesn’t have to be a downer. Many of my clients report that they look forward to our sessions each week.
What is mindfulness?
Mindfulness, in it’s most simple form, is bringing your awareness to the present moment. It’s paying attention fully to sensations, thoughts, feelings or your environment. Mindfulness is a tool for overcoming feelings of overwhelm and managing stress. It is also beneficial for opening up channels of creativity and increasing overall productivity.
Are Virtual Counseling Sessions an Option?
Yes! I am offering phone and video sessions for Colorado residents. Video sessions are secure and HIPAA-compliant. It’s quick and easy to get up and running with virtual sessions.
For more information and Telehealth FAQ’s, read this blog post.
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